You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
