Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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