so that wasnt chicken after all
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
