Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
