wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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