Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
