Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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