8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
