yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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