please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
