College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
