I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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