How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
