you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
