I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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