covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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