Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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