I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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