Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
