brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Sponge bath it is.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
