why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
