New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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