He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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