YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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