Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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