Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
