tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
