I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
