I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
