you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
