so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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