you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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