So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
