I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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