Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
