yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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