You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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