I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my being single is dangerous.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize