I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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