If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize