do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
