I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
