found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
