I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
