if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize