Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
