my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize