OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
