gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
