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in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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