ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
