The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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