She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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