Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
