no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
