At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
