So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
