I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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