i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
