you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
