He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
