me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
