I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
as a side note pls kill me
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
