Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
