you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
