I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Come see our sink grown plant.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
