did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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