Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
