if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize